Everyone has heard the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. That means that everyone has their own ideas of what is attractive. Despite what the media might lead us to think, there is no one size fits all when it comes to beauty. That also means, we can all be beautiful in someone’s eyes. But the first person we have to convince is ourselves. If we don’t see ourselves in a positive light, no one else is likely to do so either. That’s because we will hide away, try to cover up what we think of as flaws, and generally avoid having other people truly see us in case they don’t like what they see. So being beautiful and feeling beautiful starts in the mind, our own mind. Where Does a Negative Self Image Come From? If we have a negative impression of our own appearance, it came from somewhere. You know, all newborns look cute (even if wrinkly).
And very small children have no reason to think they are anything other than ‘perfect’. Which is beautiful! They have no concept what "beauty" is. Nor should they.
So we all start with the feeling that we are as good as, and as attractive as, anyone else. Negative self image comes from the outside. Gradually we are exposed to other children, their parents. And then role in the influencers, including social media, celebrities, TV and magazines all of which can start to give us doubts about our appearance and self worth.
Unfortunately, sometimes even family contribute to this too. A dysfunctional family situation is often the worst because it is inescapable for a child. Growing Up Feeling Unbeautiful Once a negative trend is set early in life it can be so difficult to overcome during the developing years, especially in the teen years. This time can ‘lock in’ a self image for a lifetime. This phase can also be the years when the developing person decides to make sure they will not be hurt in the future by intentionally making themselves unattractive. Sometimes this is done with self destructive behaviors like drugs, or a socially more acceptable drug, food. The unstated goal is to replace the lack of external acknowledgement with other replacement feelings of comfort. And of course, to drive away anyone who might hurt you some more. Getting Back to the Beauty Mindset A while back there was a British show “How to Look Good Naked”? Have you seen it? The premise might be a little too spicy for some stations but was on British TV for 5 years (and I think its coming back in 2020). In the show, average (very) women are coached to accept their bodies and change their self images. And they start by literally getting naked on TV and learning how to ‘re look’ at themselves in a positive way – and its entirely in the mind – no surgery required! Brave stuff – but in a sense, just what is needed, at least in a psychological sense. To get the Beauty Mindset and ‘remember’ the beauty you were born with, you must strip away the false negativity learned in the past. Get Rid of the Negativity and Get Back to the Beauty You Were Born With We all have a lot of luggage we carry around about how we look, how attractive we are, what other people perceive when they see us. Getting rid of this luggage can be a true challenge, getting to the very core of our self image. Surgery, new wardrobes, psychotherapy – all can play a role, but the simplest (and most cost-effective way) to start is to start with our own minds. Meditation is a fantastic discipline that can teach us to separate our minds from the daily fears and concerns that otherwise are with us 24/7. Through meditation we can put things into perspective and create a new way to focus and to think. There are lots of meditation disciplines – reach out and find one that suits you best. You were born beautiful - you just don't remember! Keep this in mind – its only ‘life’ that has led you to feel less than the beautiful person you were born. This is all in the past – a more positive and beautiful future is yours to embrace. Till next time, Kellie Growing Younger Everyday